Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Maybe it WAS just chance ...

So after obsessing for a couple of weeks whether some fairly remarkable developments were due to fever or prednisone or chance, I must report that one of the 3 events has been at least partially duplicated without fever (I don't think) or prednisone. A couple of days ago, T began asking "What is that [sound]?" There's still something odd about the way he asks it, and it's really not clear that he is always really trying to find out the answer, but I'll take it. I'll take it.

As for the other 2 incidents, though, I have not seen either again. The one of course that stands out so clearly in my mind is him standing there, catching my eye and turning his head to direct my gaze to the object he was pointing out. Not once, but twice. In a row. It was simply breathtaking.

Although he points out objects a lot, I have never seen this before or since. Before Autism, it would never have even occurred to me that there was such a thing as joint attention, that it can be lacking. What a simple thing it seems to do, to meet eyes, to turn the head ... And even when it is missing, how subtle it is at first. You know something is not quite right, but you don't know what. And then you know, and it is so puzzling that someone can lack in this most basic of abilities. How can it be?

And it is so beautiful when you see it at last, after so long. And it is so painful to think that you might never see it again. It's kind of a cruel hope, maybe.

But clearly, there is no giving up now, because I have seen it. It is THERE, waiting to be unlocked. If only I could find the key.

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